Tuesday-The “S” Word

As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him—you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

1 Peter 2:4-6

Depending where you come from and how you were raised, the “S” word might be a bad thing. As a kid, it was a word to be avoided unless I wanted to be wacked by my dad. And yet, my very large Italian grandmother was very creative in her use the “S” word. She used it like she cooked, added to bring more flavor on her homemade pasta.

But the “S” word that Peter shares with his friends here is shame. To Peter, shame is a whole lot more than a feeling that’s here today and gone tomorrow. It has a very deep impact on what we think and feel about ourselves. When we feel shame, we want to yell and curse at ourselves. It brings confusion into our thinking and lives. We become really frustrated and disappointed with ourselves. Shame also brings humiliation that crashes over us like a big wave in the ocean.

Go ahead, say the word shame out loud. I dare you, and just watch the reactions. Some people hang their heads. Some turn away. Others feel that rush of blood to their face as they turn red.

We can’t explain it, but it’s as real as the sky above. We also can’t control it. It’s like a hiccup or a cough. Try with all your might, concentrate as hard as you can, but you can’t stop either. Shame’s the same way. When we feel shame starting to come up, we try really hard to stop it. But it drowns us in a river of emotions and memories.

Many say that shame is directly connected to how we feel about ourselves. Because we did something wrong, it empties all the good feelings we have about ourselves. We start thinking less and less about who we are and our worth as a person. It’s like someone pulls the plug out of a sink full of water. It’s only a matter of time till it all drains away

But no matter what you think about shame, the world is filled with people that are suffering because they are filled with shame. People who feel shame are at risk for depression and anxiety disorders[1].

One of the problems about shame is that no one really wants to talk about it. Yes, we’ll talk all around it. Some people will twist and turn the English language into a pretzel just try to avoid this “S” word.

But where did this shame thing come from? Some think that shame evolved as a way to “inhibit actions likely to yield more costs from social devaluation than the benefits said actions would yield[2]”. Others think people feel shame because they are not smart enough or emotionally balanced. And then there are people that deny it even exists. It’s a myth. It’s all so much smoke in the air.

But Peter knows all about shame. It’s not some theory floating out there to him. Shame is as real as the dirt beneath his feet. He promised Jesus that “Even if everyone else deserts you, I will never desert you.[3]”. It’s interesting to remember that the “everyone else” were the other disciples who were right there listening. In other words, Peter was boasting that he was better than everyone else.

And what happened? Just as Peter is loudly denying that he even knows Jesus for the third time, he looks up. And who’s looking straight at Peter? Jesus. What could be more humiliating? Shame overwhelms Peter and he runs out while weeping bitterly.[4] But there was a purpose in this shame. Jesus told Peter that he was going to be sifted like wheat[5].

You see, God can use even our shame for his glory and our good. Out of the ashes of Peter’s shameful failure, God has something in mind. A higher purpose. Peter comes out stronger than before. When Jesus tells him to ignore what’s going on with everyone else, and “you follow me,[6]” Peter’s now strong enough to do just that.

What thoughts and pictures about past failures and shame replay in our heads? If we’re honest, they shine brightly and blast loudly inside our memories. But have you ever considered the possibility that God has this in store for you? There’s an old hymn that says it so well.

There is a fountain filled with blood, Drawn from Immanuel's veins;

And sinners, plunged beneath that flood, Lose all their guilty stains[7].

I’ve seen it in my own life where God has used my weakness, my sorrow, my shame, my failures to bring people to himself. And if God can do this with me, then there’s absolutely no reason he won’t do it with you too.

Noodling Questions

• Why do we try and hide our shame when everyone has some? Explain.

• Describe a time when God used shame to change you in a big way.

• What can we do when shameful thoughts overrun us?

[1] https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-scientific-underpinnings-and-impacts-of-shame/

[2] National Library of Medicine, The evolution of shame and its display, Mitchell Landers and Daniel Sznycer, 2022

[3] Matthew 26:33 NLT

[4] Luke 22:62

[5] Luke 22:31

[6] John 21:22

[7] There is a fountain filled with blood, Author: William Cowper (1772)